Below are the 16 most recent journal entries recorded in wolfswoman's LiveJournal:

Tuesday, September 28th, 2004
12:40 pm	Back Again Hi Journal, I know that I took a very, very long hiatus. Usually when things get crazy and I have a lot of things to do, I'm not able to sit down and relax and write. For one, I don't have the time and secondly I have a lot on my mind and things seem to jumble themselves together. A lot has gone on since I've last written in you. I lived in the Alpha Omega program for a while. It's a great program through The Mountain View/Los Altos Community Center that allows you to look for work, have a place to stay for three months, work, save money, move into a graduate program and save some more money. I got to have a place to stay and look for work. I even found what I thought was going to be a great job. Unfortunately I had to be available at all hours of the night. This wouldn't be fair for the other program people, so I left the program. The job turned into being a job from hell. I went from Office assistant to Manager in one big swoop. A whole bunch of stress I say, I definately was not prepared for it and I shouldn't of taken the management position in the first place. I didn't have the experience and I wasn't fooling anyone. I'm definately going to take the blame for this one. So, I'm now out again running around Santa Clara, California looking for employment. The money is really tight right now, since the old boss hasn't sent me my last two paychecks. On the health department..I've lost about 10 pounds but it definately has not made a dent in my body. That's something that I have to work on constantly. Oh darn 5 more minutes left. I'll write more tomorrow Current Mood: aggravated Current Music: NIN-Head Like A Hole (Comment on this)
Monday, April 12th, 2004
6:17 pm	Homelessness I am so freaking tired of being freaking tired. Actually I'm freaking tired of being homeless. I'm tired of fighting, I'm tired of struggling, I'm tired of constantly being in battle to survive one life situation after another. Why can't life just freaking calm down for a bit. The christians say that God will not give me things to deal with that which I can't handle. Budhist are telling me that I'm to learn a lesson that I haven't learned yet in a past life. Wiccans are telling me that some kind of bad karma is catching up on me. What is really going on? Plus, this fat! I thought my body was going to start to look better once the weight came off. The weight is coming off and my body is looking more and more like cottage cheese. I didn't have cottage cheese thighs when I had the weight on the thighs. Help, I need help to fix this. I was able to visit Michael sunday. It was so good to see him. He looks so much better than he did last week. He took himself off the depression medication because it was giving him drop to his knee migranes. This is not a good thing for my honey. He is unmoble when he gets these kinds of migranes. I swear the minute I get him out of there, we are going to the doctor for the both of us. That's my rant and rave in an eggshell.... (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, April 10th, 2004
9:45 am	Things seem to be getting better I made it through a week of living on the 22 bus line. I'm hoping that I get into Little Orchard tonight and tomorrow night. It would be nice to have a warm meal and a decent night sleep. I may have to sleep on a mat on the floor but atleast I will be getting more than 4 hours sleep. I figure that once I get into this transitional place. I will be able to settle down and do all the things that I need to do. Finish my accounting course, obtain full-time employment, put a savings together. Perhaps even start a business. That's something that I really have to look into. Finding info on creating a Not for profit! Current Mood: artistic Current Music: Dancing On Sunshine (Comment on this)
Friday, April 9th, 2004
8:32 am	Just Three More Nights It's Friday morning, which means that I have made it through another night of staying on the Valley Transit Authority 22 bus. My body is paying the price for it though because I am completely brain dead about my accounting class today. We have TEST too! All I can do is do my best. The past three test that I have had, have been 90% or higher. If I obtain a 70% on this one. It won't hurt me that much. Then, I'll get my behind focused on accounting again. It's hard to keep your grades up when you are looking for employment, looking for a place to stay and have lack of sleep. 12 Hours sleep in a 36 hour period. I'm basicly running on half the sleep that I'm suppose to get. I may skip school today and snooze up on the 7th floor of the library. (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, April 8th, 2004
10:06 am	Good News, Good News It looks like I will be able to get into the three month program that I have been talking about. This is extreme good news. I can then get some stable situations going on. I haven't really been eating well. Like last night for dinner I had some saltine crackers and a snickers bar. Thank goodness that today I will be able to go to school and get some lunch. I'm definately going to lose some weight this way. I don't know what else to say. I get to visit Michael today. I love him seriously. It's a lot of agrivation for just a thirty minute visit but this does us a lot of good. I'm just looking forward to the future. (Comment on this)
Wednesday, April 7th, 2004
10:15 am	Made another night I made it through another night of sleeping on the bus. I'll be so glad when I don't have to do that anymore. I'm waiting for a telephone call from Alpha Omega. To see if I made it into the program. This would be a really good program for me. I would have a roof over my head. Food in my stomach and a place to save money. Especially if I get one of these jobs that I have been interviewing for. I get to go see Michael tomorrow and sunday. It will be so nice to see him. I send him letter after letter after letter but seeing him face to face is so much better. It's going to really hurt when they send him somewhere else. Not being able to visit him every week. Life is going to be some drama. I definately need the strength!!! (Comment on this)
Tuesday, April 6th, 2004
4:54 pm	People Are Just Nasty! I went to my housing interview today. It went really well. Nancy and I got along very well, atleast I think we did. Basicly the Alpha Omega is a rotating shelter that stay at different churches in Mountain View and Palo Alto. It would be a stable place for me to stay for three months. Plus, if I have a job by the time my three months are up. I can apply to go into the transitional housing. That is an 18 month program. That's the good news! The bad news....My old room-mate has decided to lock up all my clothes/blankets along with Michaels clothes and blankets. I'm finding a lawyer right now and suing his butt!! (Comment on this)
9:18 am	Rolling, Rolling, Rolling This is just not right! I spent the night on a local 24 hour bus. I'm running on about 4 hours sleep today and 3 cups of coffee. Doesn't society care about society anymore. There must have been 2 other woman and 10 other men sleeping on the bus yesterday and today. Doesn't the government know that we just don't have enough space for everyone, that we desperately need funding! Don't they understand that if we had a roof over our heads that many of us would be working, paying taxes and paying back into the system. Other than that, I'm doing ok. I didn't eat very much yesterday. This is a good thing because when my cycle starts it really cramps up my stomach. I don't like to have a lot of food in my stomach. That's about it. Hopefully I will be able to get into this rotating shelter today. Current Mood: contemplative Current Music: Master & Servent-Depeche Mode (Comment on this)
Monday, April 5th, 2004
2:12 pm	Be careful what you wish for, you might get it How am I doing health wise. I'm hanging in there. I'm definately getting enough exercise, I haven't been eating a lot due to the stress that I am going through but when I do eat. I eat healthy. Last night I sat under the full moon and cried. I prayed for peace and freedom from my current room-mate. Never, never, never pray for anything unless you really, really want to get it. This morning I was awoken by my current motor-home room-mate. He asked me to do some stuff because his hernia was killing him. I took care of his K-9. I got him some breakfast in bed. I did what he asked me to do. Apparently I put some stuff in the wrong place and he screamed at me. He's been talking to me as if I was a three year old or one of his dogs he's training since last week this time. We blew up at each other. I told him that I didn't appriciate him yelling at me. Then he went off on me, and I went off on him. I swear the screaming banshee must have been nesting in me last night because she came out this morning. I was shaking with energy so much that I couldn't get the motorhome key off my keyring to give it back to him So, here I am. Sure I'm free of the old room-mate. I do have peace from that. I have lost my penticle and my place to sleep at night. I will probably sleep on the bus tonight. Till I can find some kind of shelter. Lets not forget that I find out that the county of santa clara is giving my fiance medication for depression and hyper-activity. He has so much pain, frustration, anger and medication in his eyes. My lovely gift of empathy, sometimes its such a pain. Current Mood: frustrated Current Music: Riders Of The Storm-Doors (Comment on this)
Wednesday, March 31st, 2004
11:28 am	Things are looking up Well, the cold weather armory is closed. About 200 people have to find a new place to stay at night. How sad. I had to seperate myself from a lot of good friends. I feel so blessed to have a motorhome to move into for a while. I don't think it will work out long term but it's a start. Health wise. I'm doing ok. I definately getting a lot of walking in. I'm cutting down on my meals because my room-mate and I are trying to conserve food. It's easier to eat healthy now though, due to the fact that I cook my own meals. We only have a microwave right now but it's a start. Today is a county holiday. So, I haven't been able to call up the county correctional center to apply for visitation with Michael. That is just a strange situation. Actually walking behind barb-wire and fences. Very, very strange. I really do hope that they drop his case. Employment wise? I'm still not working. I do have three interviews in a row though. I pray that someone hires me! I pray that they look past my weight and look at the skills that I have to offer. Current Mood: contemplative Current Music: Always & Forever-Dedicated to my loving fiance (Comment on this)
Saturday, March 27th, 2004
2:07 pm	Such a strange place I was able to visit Michael today at Elmwood Correctional Center. I can definitely say that I got my walk in today. It's a 4 block walk to the center, then I have to actually walk around inside the prison to where they are keeping him. It was so good to see him. I'm not happy that he has lost another 5 pounds. He's down to 205 pounds now. He's losing more weight then I am!!! I was a good girl! I didn't cry while I was there. We could see tears in each other's eyes though. There is still so much love there. I pray that it stays that way. That the walls around him don't pen him in emotionally. How's my health? I'm doing ok. I'm not using food to emotionally live. Which is a major, major improvement. Now that the weather is better, I'm getting a lot of walking in. There's something about walking in the warm sunlight that just seems to cleanse the spirit and soul. You should try it sometime. Current Mood: accomplished Current Music: I'm Walking On Sunshine-???? (Comment on this)
Friday, March 26th, 2004
8:11 am	When It Rains It Poors Here I am at a homeless shelter, which is about to close in 4 days. I think I have a motorhome to move into. My new room-mate contacts me and says that he has a hernia. Like I need more stress added onto my life. It's only by the Lady & Lords strength that I have not gone absolutely bonkers. That like my mother I have not had a nervious break down. What a blessing that is. Though there are some days when all I want to do is put the covers over my head and sleep for a couple of days. I think once I start working, I will do just that. I will come home friday go to bed and not get up until Sunday afternoon. I honestly need the rest. Current Mood: tired Current Music: Here comes the rain again-The Eurythmics (Comment on this)
Wednesday, March 24th, 2004
5:43 pm	Busy, Busy Busy Breakfast: small bowel of cereal Lunch:Turkey/Roast Beef Sandwich on a french roll, orange, water Dinner: Haven't eaten dinner yet Today was busy, busy, busy. K-9 watching in the morning, school in the afternoon. I thought I was going to have an accounting test but teach decided it to be on friday. All during the day I was looking for employment. I even have an interview this friday and next tuesday. I get to go visit my baby at Elmwood tomorrow. I also get to look for more interviews tomorrow. All Day LONG!!!! yay me. Current Mood: bouncy (Comment on this)
Tuesday, March 23rd, 2004
3:00 pm	Short Court Well that was just a waste of time. I went into court. The public defender asked for a continuance and then talked to me about Michael's case. I don't think I'm going to eat tonight. Just too much homework to do and to much on my mind. (Comment on this)
10:22 am	Without Him It's been a month since he has been in my arms. How can the man be so stupid. Things were going so well. We were building a life together. My heart expects him to walk up behind me, kiss the back of my neck and say"honey I'm home" My brain tells me that this is not going to happen any time soon. It may not happen for 25 years. Immortal_Lover asked me this morning..."What if he told you to move on." I honestly could not answer and the thought right now is even bringing tears to my eyes. If your reading this, I don't know if you believe in past lives. I do and have had experience. Mike and my life is intertwined. I'm so sad with him by my side Current Mood: sad Current Music: "You are my kind" Carlos Santana (Comment on this)
9:35 am	Court, Court, Court Court can be a scary thing. Why do you think I'm only had half an orange. Plus a peanut butter and jelly sandwich till dinner time. I can't get anything else into my stomach. I told myself that I'm not going to cry today. What ever is going to happen in the court room is going to happen in the court room. I miss Michael so much, though. Michael and I were getting our lives together. We were attending school. Putting in applications to obtain finances for a new business. The Michael goes to jail. We have to go on with our lives though. He has to stay strong in Jail and take advantage of all the state opportunities that they have. I have to stay out here and move on with the business of getting business done. Sometimes, I don't want to move on though. Sometimes, I think it would just be easier to step in front of a train. I remember that I have people that love me though. I have a fiance looking forward to coming home to me. So, I stay strong. I sure am shrinking though. All this fighting to stay strong has definitely kept my appetite down. Current Mood: nervous (Comment on this)